Recent Posts
February 5th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
Well we are moved and getting our house put together. I have been running errand after errand but as of tonight I officialy have a stove, washer and dryer and heat all working. There were a few small kinks to work out but we got through them. All the utilites are in in my name and I have a post office box. I surely can’t count on Robert. He will help me I think when it’s convienent for him or I am acting how he wants but if that stops then so will the help. Really things have kinda fallen in place with my whole move so I’m kinda feeling like this has all been meant to be. It’s almost a miricle for my Aunt to have had this house open. The people that lived her before me had been here almost 4 years and seemed like they were set to stay. My Daughter started her new school on Monday and seems fairly happy with it.
I have a friend coming over tomorrow. It’s kind of a weird situation he used to be a boyfriend about 10 years ago. We have been in contact for about 5 years now just as friends and he is married now. So I hope its not an odd situation. He says that he is in an open marriage and thats great for them, not my kinda thing but whatever to each their own. I just hope he doesn’t have the wrong idea and I have told him and I think its clear that i’m not looking for anything more then friends. I would like to meet his wife and us all be friends. I will seriously just kick him right out of my house if he starts acting stupid in the least. I’m giving myself a few months before I consider dating and its not going to be with a married man when I do.
So anyway I am loving living by myself for now, starting to wonder if its going to be lonely while Sam is at school but I guess I can always clean house if I get bored lol neah….
January 29th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
I am leaving Friday my Aunts are coming for me. I love them so much I am really feeling loved that they are coming to get me. I never asked or anything and Robert had offered to drive the truck with a trailer for me. They said nope I don’t need him and they were coming : ) He gave me some money today to buy a cheap used car. I’m torn really, I’m sad to be leaving but happy to be going. I’m really missing my Mom right now, Its hard to realize you have noone to run to and that you are are on you own now and have to be a big girl. I know it sounds terribly selfish.
January 26th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
Not sure if flakage is a word. I’m not staying I am leaving within the next few days. I will write more once I get moved. He was like physco yesterday. Sherriff even had to come, he called them not me which I find ironic. Of course I would have called if he hadn’t taken my cell phone and the keys to both cars. When the sherriff came I got my phone and car key and he was almost arrested. So 2 of my aunts and 2 cousins are coming to help me move. I’m at the house right now but Im not going to sleep her I’m afraid to. I’m going to sleep in my car somewhere don’t know where yet. Things are calmer today but I’m still scared I don’t trust him after yesterday. He was completely nuts, he never hit me or anything but pretty much thats where he drew the line, no holds bar. My fear is of him coming and getting the car which I know I cna’t keep but I want it for now. He said supposedly he would give me some money for a used car like 1,200 bucks but we will see.
January 21st, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
OK so I know I’m a big flake. I think I am going to stay and we are going to try and work on things. We discussed a trial seperation. We really can’t afford for me to move 3 hours away get a place and then move back in if its what we decide. So I guess I am going to stay and we will see how it goes. I think we both love each other, even though we recognize we have some pretty big issues to deal with. One good thing is that my sister left yesterday. I can’t blame her for all of our problems because we had them before. However she is a very big stress factor she drives me absolutely bananas. One of his big issues is that the house isn’t always clean. He wants someone to be able to come over at any point and go to any place in out house and it be clean. I just can’t keep up with all 5 of us, being as I’m the only one that cleans. My sister will come into a room you have just cleaned and make a mess. In fact sometimes when I’m cleaning the kitchen up after something she will come in there and cook before I’m even finished. I usually do the dishes at night after dinner and wipe up any big messes but my big clean of the kitchen I do in the morning. I know It’s always easier to do it right away but I’m a bum after I eat and I want to relax with everyone else and watch tv. I don’t want to turn this into a rant about her but even though we will miss Eli, and I still love my sister. I will not miss her one bit and we are pretty darn happy. In fact I already shoveled out all the crap she left in our spare bedroom and we bought a futon and are painting her room today lol. Later today I have to go pick out her 100’s of cigarette butts out of the flower bed right by my front door grrrrrr. I may still end up going I havne’t told me aunt that I don’t want the house yet. It’s probably kinda messed up but its not ready to rent out anyway and I have a week so I’m gonna wait a few more days. There are a lot of reasons to go, but I have a lot of reasons to stay. The main reason is that my daughter is happy here. We have always moved so much that she doesn’t have very many good friends. She always makes friends but not best friends now she has 2 and a little boyfriend. The last 7 birthday parties have sucked because she didn’t have like out of school friends and her birthday is June 19th. I’m hoping this year we can have a really nice and fun party for her. I also love this house, and I like all my furniture. I finally have all my pictures on the wall and my decor hung. I love him, he promises he has been faithful, and that he loves me. I almost believe him and I’m trying to. I told him he has to really really love me for me to stay, I don’t want to be here because he is afraid of being alone. We shall see what the next week brings…..
January 19th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
I feel as though I have been hit by the Mac truck of reality and it hurts. Been fighting and talking the last 3 days. I think we have some things figured out. I am going to rent the house that my aunt has. He said I can take the dog, which I know isn’t easy for him. He says the dog misses us too much when were gone and he needs us. I feel bad because I think that since I will have my daughter he should have the dog. The truth is I probably wouldn’t miss the dog too bad. My Daughter says she has to have the dog, that he is like her child. That I have to understand that she loves the dog as much as I love her. I’m not quite buying that but I understand that he is important to her. I love him but he is a huge pain. He runs out the front door every chance he gets and we have to chase him down the street. He does not listen and then he will just lay down and you have to like pick him up drag him back down the street. LOL I’m sure its hilarious and all to watch but it gets old, he weighs about 70 lbs. He still says that he is going to get me a car, give me some money to move and give me some money for a few months until I get some paychecks flowing. Not 100 percent sure he will really do that but we will see. When he left his wife before me he told her he was going to give her money and he didn’t. He cried today, he said I was lucky this was my first divorce but it was his last. I said I doubt that. He said don’t, I can’t go through this again, and he was destined to die alone. It made me feel bad. Today he is acting like its all my doing. I know he wants it as much as me. I feel bad cuz he really will be alone. He has some friends here but he hasn’t known them very long. When ever I feel myself getting weak I just think of some of the really bad shit he has put me through. I finally got my contact lense exam, and a new pair of sample contacts. I had to order my prescription because its so long so I will have the new boxes of them in about a week. It feels good to have new ones in. The ones I were wearing were like 7 months old and they were the disposable ones so thats not good. I have been lazy but some of it was money. Its just a scary thought knowing you have only one pair of contacts and if you lose one or tear it your screwed. I’m very very nearsighted,so it would be scary without any and I for sure can’t drive without them.
I wish life was easy…. dammit
January 16th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
So I am getting a divorce. Had a big fight yesterday over lost socks and me not pressing his shirts lol. Whatever he said then I was right it wasn’t going to work and said he was moving. Well then last night he came home and everything was fine, even though I was still pissed off. So this morning it was fine I was helping him get stuff together and go to the gym. Well I asked for money for laundry detergent, dishwashing tablets and toilet paper. Well he said that I could wash dishes by hand and that he had given me over 400 in the last 2 weeks so I should have money. Well its not true, Ive had like 200, not 400. Anyway I said thats fine don’t give me money but don’t bitch when you have nothing to wipe your ass with lol. So then he started bitching about how dirty our house is which it isn’t. The only thing not clean in our house is the garage. I was like well if it isn’t clean enough now it never will be so I will move. Anyway a lot of back and forth garbage and basically I said I’m done. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t go through this emotional roller coaster every day. He said the only problem in our marriage is that the house isn’t spotless. I do mean spotless too, not just clean. He wants every inch dusted everyday. A full shower, toilet, floor scrub of the bathroom. Its my job you see because I don’t work I should spend 8 hours a day scrubbing and making everything perfect for him. Well Im not going to do it, I don’t want to. That might end his problem with me but its not going to end my problems with him. I checked him email and found him writing to a girl of craigslist. The add he answered was a lady looking for friends only but I don’t care, I didn’t say anything about it but I know that he isn’t going to be happy even witha spotless house. I don’t have what he wants. I’m ok with that I don’t feel that its my fault or something that is wrong with me. Seriously I don’t think he is capable of beinghappy or I wouldn’t be his 4th wife and the man is only 40 years old ya know. Of course he doesn’t want to give me any money. He said he would pay for me to live in this house until our lease is up in May. I’m not staying her though, all it would take for him to change his mind and I would be screwed. I want to move back to Modesto, he says I am being childish because I want to be near my friends. I just dont want him to be in control of my life anymore. I talked to my aunt she has a 1 bedroom house I can rent for 400 a month. That’s what I am going to do weither he gives me money or not. He says we need to have a forensic accountant go over our assets and make me a list of my debts lol. Whatever I don’t care I will just declare bankruptsy. Of course he doesn’t want this to be ugly and complicated right. I don’t know what is going to happen and how but I know I am going. I need to be my own person and not controlled by someone else. It’s not going to be easy unfortunately I love the stupid bastard but were never going to work and I need to get out while I still have some of me left.
January 15th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
Today was a better day, I felt a little better after talking to my husband last night. I had a few things I needed to get straight. I haven’t wanted to say much and just wait until I was in a better position. I couldin’t help it though, he wasn’t really wanting to talk but I just couldin’t go to sleep and act like I was fine. So we talked some and I went to bed feeling some better at least. I had a good day around the house, I cleaned pretty much everything. The only things that need some attention are my back patio, we are having a bbq on Sunday. We went to dinner at a local place called Hodels, Its a buffet with a lot of homemade foods. I am supposed to be getting a different car and we are going to try and sell mine. I just really hate driving a car that isn’t paid for. I like my car ok but doesn’t seem worth the almost 400 dollars a month to drive a Dodge Caliber lol. He said he found me a BMW thats pretty nice, a little old its a 95 but in really good shape so I’m happy with that.
January 12th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Melissa
Well well well… I guess we will see
