who was who

who was who

Beatty, James Laughead, cons. engr.; b. Uniontown Pa., Nov. 29, 1893; p. John Calvin and Anna (Laughead). E. B.S. State Coll. 1915; m. Maude Hewitt June 30,1920 (dec.) m. 2d. Rubie Rae Hill July 3,1924 (dec.) children Billie Rae (Mrs. C. C. Cook). James Lamar, Valerie Ann (Mrs. John Thomas). Chemist, plant. engr. . . Home: Berkeley, CA. Died May 11, 1968

James L. Beatty was my Grandfather. Billie Rae was my Aunt. James Lamar Beatty was my Uncle and Valerie Ann was my Mother-they are all dead now. I never knew my Grandma Rubie Rae. My mother died Dec. 21,1968 coming home from work. She was killed by a speeding ambulance. There was no funeral for my mother. She was cremated. I do not know where her ashes are at? My Aunt died many years ago from throat cancer. I do not remember how my Uncle died? My Grandfather died from diabetes. I still have two Bibles my Grandfather gave me as Christ Mass gifts. I have one those Bibles next to me right now. It is signed Johnny Keen Dec. 1960. I wrote underneath from Grandpa 1960.

My mother was killed when she was 35 years old. I was 16 years old at the time of her death. My mother’s death had a profound effect on me. I am always waiting for one of my loved ones to die. Every day I am expecting it all to end and back to being alone on the streets. When it comes to an end I tell myself ”It has been a good ride, but now it is over.” I am always waiting for the house to burn down. I am always waiting for death to strike one of us the Keen pack. Death is always waiting in the shadows ready to pounce. How long will my luck hold out? When will the sky crack and the earth explode?

6:18 p.m. - 2003-09-19

It is 9:07 AM Sunday morning. Since I last wrote I read the Bible and one old pig in the blanket. I have been wandering the house this morning. I could go for a walk someplace, but I have been everywhere. There is no place new to go to. Everything is the same.
I could go make a big plate full of pancakes for a meal. I hate wandering my cell on an empty stomach.
Yesterday Carol found out from a neighbor lady that another neighbor had lost his job. We have two men on our street out of work. On our street we have several retired people, two teachers, two nurses, a fellow who runs the city sewage department, a fellow who works for some development company, three factory workers, a fellow who works for the city bus company and some young fellow that I do not know what he does. Oh and there is a fellow next door to us that works for an auto insurance company. We have three stay at home moms. And there is me a hermit. At the end of the block is a older divorced woman. We have lived in this house going on 19 years. We bought this house about 14 years ago. We have two mortgages we are paying off right now. We are paying off our kids student loans. We get by each day. I am thankful we have some food and some money to pay the bills. We live by faith.
Yesterday wandering shopping malls with my wife I felt extremely uncomfortable. I like being home sitting here in our basement talking to myself. I do not feel at home in the world.
Well I will close to search for food. I can’t go out into the wasteland on an empty stomach.
It is 2:04 PM Sunday afternoon in the flow of being alive in a sin cursed world.
This morning I took a long hike at the Upper Macatawa Natural Area alone. It is a pretty late Spring day. One can smell Summer in the air these days.
I got home from my hike around 11:55 AM to find Carol home from church. I ate lunch and messed with my lap top.
Carol went to bed for the day and I have been wandering my cell. I am not in the mood to read or write. I am tired so I might go down in the basement and lay down for awhile.
It is 3:57 PM Sunday late afternoon in the flow of time. I am sure my wife will get up in time to go to the evening worship service at Covenant PCA this evening.
It has been a normal afternoon for me. I messed with our main computer for awhile and then I read some more of Second Samuel/OT in the Bible. I should be out of Second Samuel this evening and into First Kings/OT. I have to force myself not to study the Bible, but just read it to hear the Word of God. I am trying not to interpret what I read in the Bible, but just read it like someone who has never read the Bible before.
What else have I done this afternoon? I wrote in my private diary. By the end of June 2009 I should be going on 400 pages in my 2009 diary. I might hit this year a 1000 pages in my 2009 diary? Of course I could be dead before this year is over. We never know when the Lord will call us before Him for divine judgment.
I believe in the doctrine of justification by faith. Since I am no longer under old fashion Calvinistic doctrinal preaching I am not worried about assurance of salvation. I look to the Lord to save me. I can not save myself. I believe God is rich in mercy.
I tell people all the time I have been a Christian for 40 years. Would I personally seek to deceive people about my Christian confession of faith? No I am seeking to be completely honest when I tell people I love the Lord and want to be holy. If there is no God then who am I always praying to down here in our basement?
I do not know what is television tonight worth watching? Carol is off tonight, but goes back to work tomorrow night. Carol told me they are laying off nurses in Detroit, Mich.. I wonder if someday Carol might lose her job? Around here no one is hiring nurses. Nobody has health insurance so hospitals are laying off people. Money is not to be found these days here in america. We are going broke and yet people seem to be living high on the hog. Strange? Maybe americans are living in denial?
Well I suppose I will close to wander the basement listening to the music of Grizzly Bear. I will go back upstairs and read some more Bible.
music: Grizzly Bear ”Horn Of Plenty”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/20831498@N03/sets/72157606241888800/

http://members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=glorycloud

http://crookedfingers.livejournal.com/