January 26th, 2009 in Uncategorized by Celticyoni
I had my two elder clients today. I always think a lot during massage sessions. I get great ideas, inspiration and I also work through my attitude on the more difficult things in my life that have happen or are happening. It’s like a period of pure grace. Only wonderful things happen during massage sessions. I always feel terrific after the session too. Today I wished I actually had friends to get together with afterward. I always go back to my mom’s and change out of my work clothes and go to the bank and deposit my check and then whatever else needs to be done. Today I refilled water bottles on the way back. I was singing to Macy Gray’s CD and wishing I had some great friends to meet for a couple of drinks and some stimulating conversation.
A person shouldn’t be as lonely as I have been, as much as I have been in my 46 years. No one should be. And I know very few people who are or have been. I know there are many out there like me and lonelier, I just don’t really know any.
Conquering loneliness can be part of my mission in my work. As I develop my ideas, classes, website etc. I can incorporate ways to help people creatively end loneliness.
It’s really cold here tonight. It’s colder then it’s been for several nights. It’s because the rain storms passed and now the bone chilling cold moves in. I have a fire pit outside, I wish I had friends to go with that fire pit. That would be great to bundle up and have a roaring fire. Sigh…..
People used to ask me if I missed my old house. I didn’t. I missed my independence, I missed my belongings and more then anything else I missed my kitties. But not the place. I had wanted to move on from that place for a long time. I was very lonely there as well. I was further out of town and it was very nice but all the niceness I had was only enjoyedby me alone with my kitties. I did have people over but it wasn’t as often as I would have liked. I had an above ground pool for three or four years at a time and hardly ever had anyone to join me in it, although I invited many people, many times. I did enjoy my alone time and my solitude to a point, but it was too much. Then there were the barking dogs, so with all that peace and space and solitude I could never drift off into a peaceful nap because the dogs next door constantly barked for years until I thought I was going to snap. My sleep was completely gaged by the dogs next door. So, no I didn’t really miss the house or want to go back to that life. I wanted to go forward. I want to go forward.
I will say though, that now, after a year and a half, it is painful to think back to my little place. I feel like I had paradise and I lost it. My heart aches longingly now when I think of any little part of it, even though I haven’t forgotten the lonliness there also. I had peace there and I had my babies, Samhain, Bella, and Judas.
Well, I am going to have a Moosehead and see if I can come up with a friend to call for a little company and social enjoyment. Pathetic, huh? I don’t really think there is anyone to call tonight. It feels like a weekend night to me. It’s high time I find some new friends with similar schedules and interests. This is just silly. There is life happening here and I feel like I am alone staring at blank white walls……………………
